


I'm lost in the suffering for nothing, my heart don't understand.

by Young_Professer



Series: Freedom is Ours [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27552034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Young_Professer/pseuds/Young_Professer
Summary: But the war went on, and eventually the tale blended in with all the rest of horrific amounts of loss that the war had brought. Master Billaba seemed to move on with her life, and nothing more was said about it until after the war ended.Then, all hell broke lose.
Relationships: Depa Billaba & CC-10/994 | Grey, Depa Billaba & Kanan Jarrus, Depa Billaba & Kanan Jarrus & Mace Windu, Depa Billaba & Mace Windu, Depa Billaba/CC-10/994 | Grey
Series: Freedom is Ours [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1899448
Comments: 17
Kudos: 44





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> https://youtu.be/l6b-BoH-xoY  
> Song that the title is from, "Innocent man" by rag'n'bone man

After the clone wars ended, the name and story of Depa Billaba was synonymous with miraculous recovery, but her story was told as an example of a "fall from glory." Once apprenticed to the great Jedi Master Windu, she had become one of the youngest ever to be appointed a seat on the council, a legend in her own right. She had been known for her keen sense of perception that was evident in the intense gaze that cowed knights and masters alike. Some even said that she had argued with Master Yoda once and  _ won. _

That had been before the war, before she had almost perished on the jungle world of Haruun Kal. And while she had narrowly survived the event, ninety percent of her battalion had not. 

Almost six hundred men, six hundred  _ lives _ were wiped out of existence while under the command of Jedi Master Depa Billaba. But when she woke she was declared fit to lead and given another battalion. Whispered traveled around the temple that Master Billaba was mentally unstable, damaged goods. But no one dared to say aloud what they really meant. No general with losses that great should be trusted to command ever again. True, she had been up against General Grievous, but other Jedi had faced the cyborg before and not lost as many. 

But the war went on, and eventually the tale blended in with all the rest of horrific amounts of loss that the war had brought. Master Billaba seemed to move on with her life, and nothing more was said about it until after the war ended. 

Then, all hell broke lose. 

In going through the files of the official clone death count, a lawyer had seen the Krell report and proposed that all Jedi generals with losses numbering over fifty percent at any given time (provided that the Jedi was still alive) should be tried at court to ensure no criminal intent.

The motion passed almost instantly once the Senate heard of Pong Krell and the atrocities he had committed, and in looking through the reports there were only five living Jedi who met the criteria. Of the five only one had made a full recovery, the same one who had the highest fatality percentage seen in these cases. 

And thus, Depa Billaba was called to the Supreme Court of the Republic, facing "neutral charges of treasonous homicide", and was to be "proven innocent or guilty once both sides had been heard."


	2. Chapter 2

Mace was furious. He hadn't been this angry in a long time, and it was difficult to handle, to not let it show as he crossed the temple from where he had been when he heard the news to the residential wing. She surely had already heard, probably known for hours. He would have known sooner had he not been working deep in the gardens all day into the evening.

The peace that he had felt then was long gone now. 

Finally he made it to her hallway, paced down the end of the corridor to her room and knocked before opening the door. Depa was sitting with Caleb, clearly in the middle of speaking to him. The Padawan himself looked startled at his entrance, then afraid at the sense of the thinly concealed rage smoking off of the man. 

Depa barley gave him a glance. "If you would come back later." She said quietly, pointedly. 

Mace nodded, knowing what she meant. He needed to get himself together and she needed to finish talking with her Padawan. 

He left; went to his own quarters and paced, struggling with the aggressive part of himself that wanted to go down to the Judicial Building and show them exactly what they could do with their "neutral charges."

But that would not help the situation, and more importantly, that would not help Depa. Even from that one look a few minutes ago he could see how affected she was, how she was so close to breaking. It went against all of his protective instincts as former Master of the Order and her master specifically, to sit back and let the judicial system run its course while it was falsely accusing her, hurting her. 

But all he could do now was be by her side to help her in any way she needed, be the steady shelter in the storm as he had had to be for so many others before. He forced his legs to still and his fists to unclench. The fact that this time the offense was personal doesn't matter, this was his imperative. It did not make his anger go away, it did not even lessen it. But it gave him a directive, something to focus on. 

Now he just needed to talk to Depa, to find out what she needed. 

He waits two hours before going back to her apartment. She opens the door for him wordlessly and closes it behind him after he enters. Mace looks around. Caleb isn't in the apartment, she must have sent him somewhere so they would talk in private. Mace is grateful for that, even as he sits down he can feel the rage bubbling back up in his stomach and forces himself to stay quiet, to let Depa lead the conversation. He is here to support her, not to tell his own grievances. 

Depa, however, keeps her lips tightly pressed together. She doesn't meet his eyes, and she looks so defeated that after a few minutes of tense silence Mace can not take it anymore.

"This is outrageous!" He burst out finally, and Depa shut her eyes, bowing her head.

"The intent is just."

"They have no right to even imply treasonous actions against a general who came back from the brink of death and immediately returned to fight in the war for them." The more he spoke the hotter the anger in his chest burned. "There is no true basis for accusation." 

"Perhaps." She muttered in response, eyes still closed as if in meditation. 

"There is none." Mace emphasized, wondering why she stayed so ambiguous on the matter. "You must see the ridiculousness of this." 

This time she didn't even answer, baffling Mace even further. But he shut his mouth, choosing to wait for her to speak instead of continuing to rant.

After a long moment, she opened her eyes and looked intently at him, her gaze steady but full of emotion. 

"If I am convicted, promise me that you'll take care of Caleb."

That was it. Mace rose from his seat, barely able to contain the aggressive energy he felt. 

"This whole thing is wrong." He spat, pacing a few steps.

Depa exhaled the barest whisper of a breath. "Please calm down, Mace."

"How can I, when the same government you almost gave your life for turns around and accuses you of genocide?"

"Mace…"

"I know." He stopped his movements and turned towards her, not really seeing her though his own temper. "It makes me angry, Depa, how they are treating you. Haven't you already suffered enough?"

"I haven't." She whispered, the intensity of her voice startling him. "I haven't until I have felt the pain for each one of the five hundred and seventy-two lives lost."

Mace stared at her, horrified as in the force he saw her cracking, falling apart. But when she lifted her head and looked at him and her eyes were blazing. 

"Just go." She said, her voice burning just as terrifyingly as her expression but Mace didn't move, because he knew that he had just made it worse and now he didn't know what to do.

"Depa I-"

" _Go_."

He left. 


	3. Chapter 3

Mace doesn't hear from or about Depa until the next morning. He's gotten very little sleep, having been up half the night meditating with Master Yoda to get his feelings in check, and the other delving deeper into the details surrounding the call for the trial. 

He's not terribly tired though, so when his Comm chimes with a call from his grandpadawan he picks it up as swiftly as he can 

"Grandmaster?" Caleb's voice comes filtering through. "Master has been meditating for almost the entire time since... since we heard about the trial. She hasn't even slept or eaten. I'm worried about her, and I didn't really know who to call since Master Fisto and Master Kenobi aren't here so-" 

"Caleb." Mace interrupted before the boy could ramble on any further. "Let your master be. I understand that you're concerned but she knows what she's doing."

_Please, Force, let her know what she's doing._

"You've gotten both food and rest, though?"

"Yes, Master. Master told me yesterday that we were going to be taking a few days off."

"Alright." That was good, she had given instruction for her Padawan before shutting down. And while Mace knew that she needed time to think and process, for the boy the fact seemed to be a bit harder to realize. "If you ever need someone to meditate with, Caleb, come find me."

"Okay. Thank you, Grandmaster. Can we meditate today sometime? Please?"

"I'll reserve a meditation room." Mace promises, because the boy does like to talk and the last thing Depa needs right now is for some prying ears to hear about her welfare. "Meet me at 10:00."

"Yes, Master." There's a shade of relief and Caleb's voice, and Mace suspects that his master's withdrawal is affecting him more than he knows. "And thank you!"

"I'll see you later. Windu, out."

The master shut off the comm and ran a heavy hand over his scalp. Please, Force, He repeats in his mind. Let her know what she's doing.

\----------------

It would be accurate to say that Mace is worried about his padawan (former Padawan, just because she's hurting doesn't make her a child under his protection). He does his best to keep it under control, but in the end he ends up pacing around the corridors of the temple, letting the rhythmic movement of his feet act as an anchor to calm his mind. After a good twenty minutes his thoughts do steady, and he opens himself to the force, hoping it will flow through his mind and body and wash away the last of his trepidation.

Instead the force moves him. He lengthens his stride, making his way back towards the front of the temple. He's just past the residential wing when he's able to pinpoint the location of who the force is drawing him to, a whirl of frantic searching. He turns two corners and sees man speed walking in his direction. Not just any man, a former clone commander. Mace vuagley recognizes him, doesn't remember his name, but the force is pushing him to assist the man so he steps around the pillar he had stopped behind and calls out. 

"Sir."

The man swivels to face him fully, and then Mace sees the long scar on his face and puts a name to the person. It's Grey, Depa's former commander and lover.

"General Windu." The man says, stepping quickly towards him with a question in his eyes. Mace doesn't give him a chance to ask, just nods and gestures for him to follow. He leads him down the halls of the residential wing until they reach Depa and Caleb's quarters. Mace unlocks the door for him, then turns and looks at Grey straight in the eyes.

"She needs you." He states simply. 

Grey's eyes flash with concern, surprise and protectiveness all at once, and he answers with a sharp nod. Mace leaves, knowing that Depa doesn't want him there. Grey will take care of her, he knows. It's an act of the force that he's here at all, the last Mace had heard the man had been on Ryloth. While news traveled fast he wouldn't have been able to take a ship from planet to planet in just twelve hours. 

The will of the force indeed. He just hopes that it's enough.


	4. Chapter 4

Grey's heart is pounding in his ears, adrenaline racing in his veins but he doesn't hesitate to open the door to the apartment and step inside. The room is dark, but there's enough light that he can see her sitting on a large stool in the center of it, and as his eyes adjust he can make out her form slumped over her knees, hands folded in her lap. She doesn't move as the door closes, but then she jerks her head up, a sharp gasp leaping from her lips and her eyes are burning as they take him in. 

"Grey?" Her voice is rough and higher than it usually sounded, like there is sand in her throat.

"General-" He starts, and her face twists in pain at the words and the expression makes his chest hurt. "Sorry, Depa."

She warily scans his body with her eyes again, as if she isn't sure that he's real. "Why are you here?"

Grey clears his throat, feeling nervous for some reason, and clasps his hands behind his back. "I was already on my way here, for a job, and then I heard about what the court said and I…"

I wanted to be here for you. Is what he wants to say. He hesitates because at the mention of the court her face hardens. Grey feels desperately, practically needs to find some way to get that look of of her face, because she's so good and kind she doesn't deserve any of what she's experienced

But he can do nothing about it, because when he opens his mouth to try and tell her as much she cuts him off with a look that would have been terrifying if he hadn't been able to see the deep pain behind it. 

"Don't give me that look, Grey. I don't want or deserve pity. I am guilty for the death of hundreds. No words can change that."

She's right, but she's also so wrong, but Grey can't find any words to express this. She still sits with her legs crossed and head bowed, silence ringing loudly throughout the apartment. Then her shoulders shake. 

Depa weeps without tears, and Grey feels stricken with helplessness as he stands, stretching out his hands in an instinctive gesture to do something but knowing there's nothing he can do but be here.

He's frozen there for what feels like hours but is actually minutes, and when she finally moves she grasps her head in both of her hands, tangling her fingers in her hair. 

"I can't do this." She breathes. "I can't- it's too much. I should have died with them."

A lump forms in Grey throat at her words, and he almost chokes on it when he opens his mouth to speak. 

"We."

She looks up sharply, shaking her head in denial but he doesn't give her a chance. 

"You know it as well as I do. They were our men just as I am yours. And if you had died-"

He stops, the emotion too much, remembering the way her face had turned as gray as ash, the mud and blood mixing together on his hands as he tried to tend to her wounds, the blood from the gash on his head dripping into his eyes and stinging, just as they sting now. 

"If you had died." He forces himself to continue. "I would have died with you."

Depa sobs, low yet loud, her shoulders heaving. "You deserve to live, your brothers deserved to live. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

It's then that Grey realizes that she's falling apart in front of him, wails ringing out throughout the room and her fingers dig into her cheeks so hard that the skin around them turns white. He can't see her like this, his heart can't take it. 

In one movement he lurches across the room, catching Depa by surprise because her hand instinctively lashes out to stop him from getting closer and the open handed hit lands squarely on his cheek. It smarts on his face, but there is no real strength in it because there's no strength left in her. 

Grey grabs his General with all he has, practically pinning her to his chest and she falls bonelessly against him, shaking so hard as she weeps that his jaw rattles. 

"We're going to get through this." He begs her, the force, the gods, and who or whatever else can help them. "I told you as long as you needed us we'd be there for you. I promised- I promise. We're going to make it through."


	5. Chapter 5

"Master Windu!" Mace's grandpadawan comes racing through the halls up to him, eyes and force presence blazing. "I felt- I thought I felt-"

Mace raises his hands. "Peace, Caleb."

"Yes Master." The boy stops his frantic movements and stands up straight, gulping in a breath and fisting his tunic in his hands before speaking. "I thought I felt Grey. Here! In the temple!"

 _Felt him… through all of the much stronger force presences here in the temple…_ Mace suppressed a sigh. Of course Caleb had bonded with the man. That was… not unexpected, but it was something that he and Depa would have to deal with. 

"Commander Grey is talking with your Master right now." He tells him, seeing how the boy's face sobers at the mention of his master but the excited light doesn't leave his eyes.

"So he's here? How did he know?"

Mace cuts him off again, moving to put a hand on the boy's shoulder and turn him around so they're facing the same direction. "We were going to meditate."

Caleb gets the hint to calm down and move on. "Yes, Grandmaster." He says quietly. Mace brushes him mind gently as they start walking to make sure that Caleb knows he's not done anything wrong, he just needs to control himself. 

After they settle into the meditation room Caleb immediately sits down and drops quickly into the force, surprising Mace, who had guessed that he would start talking. Depa has taught him well. He remembers having had to tell her countless times when she was a Padawan to "Meditate first, separate your thoughts from your emotions and get them in order. Then we can talk." He knows it's one lesson she's passed on, probably verbatim 

He lets his breath out slowly, releasing the trepidation that rose in his mind when he thinks of Depa. Commander Grey is with her, and he is perhaps the only person who could truly help her right now. He trusts that Grey would make sure she would be safe. 

Thirty minutes pass before Caleb raises his head. Mace, who has been keeping a mental eye on him the whole time, comes out of his light meditation and meets the boy's bright eyes.

"I never really thought about what happened to Master on Haruun Kal." He says, brow furrowed. "I mean, I've seen the scars, but..."

He trails off, at a loss for the right words to describe his feelings, and Mace waits patiently, settling himself like a stone for Caleb to lean on. 

"It was a lot, wasn't it?" He whispers after a beat of silence. "Almost six hundred men. I- I've only killed two people in my entire life." 

Mace internally blinks, wondering what that number has to do with the conversation but he doesn't comment, just lets the boy continue. 

"And I don't understand," Caleb's eyes, which had wandered while he spoke, come back to look directly at Mace's. "How could Grievous kill so many, even indirectly? How could he still live with himself? It's not fair that Master is the one who ends up feeling guilty. "

"You're right." Mace agreed. "It's not fair. And the reason why lies in the answer to your second question. Grievous, like many of the enemies the Jedi fight, has a disregard for life that only comes from traumatic experience. He didn't care about killing because life other than his own had no value to him. But you, on the other hand, do you feel remorse for the two people that you had to kill?"

Caleb nods slowly, the expression on his face far too old for one so young. 

"Therein lies the difference. You value life enough to mourn when it is gone. That is partially caused by the way you were raised, but mostly an inborn sense. Your training simply strengthened your sense of morality and ethics, and it will continue to do so just as it does for your master and myself."

His grandpadawan seems to understand this well enough, and as Mace gives him a moment to ponder it his frown deepens. 

"Then how can the court think that Master could be like Grievous? They know she's a jedi, a jedi would never do that!" 

Mace raises a hand to quiet the boy's growing frustration and sighs. "Caleb, have you ever heard of former Master Pong Krell?"

Caleb tilts his head, searching his brain, then nods. "Master Krell was a besalisk, and because of his species many arms he was one of the few quadruple wielders."

So the boy doesn't know, Mace figured as much. "That is true." He says, folding his hands in front of him to signify that Caleb should prepare himself to listen. "But the reason that the Republic court called Depa to trial is because of what happened to Pong Krell during the war…"

\----------

It takes a good hour for Mace to tell the entire story, answer all of Caleb's questions, listen to him rant about the injustice, and get him to calm down. Then Mace's comm chimes with a message from Depa that reads. _Caleb's with you still?_

 _Yes_. He sends in response, raising an eyebrow at his Grandpadawan who he had set to balance on one hand on one hand. He's wobbling as he shifts his balance to try and watch Mace. _He can stay the night with me if you need, although I know that he is anxious to see Grey._

She doesn't respond right away, and Caleb is still straining to get a feel for what she says so with a flick of the force he sends a meditation cushion flying towards his legs, making him do a split to keep from being hit. 

"Focus." He says. "Keep your balance."

Caleb grumbles but moves back into position, and Mace's comm lights up. 

_He may if he wishes. You can come back now, though._

We're on our way. Mace types, then signals for Caleb to come out of the exercise, grabbing both of their robes off the floor. "Your Master is available now, Commander Grey as well."

Caleb's face lights up as he takes his robe and slides it on. "Is he staying here at the temple?"

"Yes, with Depa I believe, at least for the night." 

Caleb makes a disgruntled face, and Mace stifles a chuckle. "You have permission to stay with me if you wish."

"I want to be with my master." His grandpadawan answers immediately, voice firm with child-like conviction. 

"I know. But Caleb," He stops the boy at the door. "This is a difficult time for your master, you know this. And while I know you want to be there for her, the pain she's going through isn't something that she wants you to see."

Caleb looks up at him, eyes full of concern and helplessness. "I don't want her to be in pain." He whispers. 

Mace's heart swells at his words, and he kneels so Caleb doesn't have to look up to meet his eyes. 

"As a Padawan, your responsibility is to learn from and respect your master. You know her well, she does not shut you out because she doesn't trust you, but because she wants to spare you. I can assure you that being there when she allows and leaving when you should is a great comfort to her."

Caleb gives a small nod, lips pressed together like Depa used to do when she was young. He takes a visible breath in, slowly lets it out, and nods again. 

"I understand." He says, and Mace can see that he does. 

"Good." Mace pushes himself back onto his feet. "Come, Caleb." 

"Yes, Master."


	6. Chapter 6

Caleb doesn't like feeling worried. He doesn't mind other negative feelings, like annoyance or frustration or even anger, but he really doesn't like worry. It makes him feel… helpless, small, and insignificant. Like a kid. 

His grandmaster's words had helped some. He doesn't feel like he doesn't know what to do anymore, but he still feels overly alert and clumsy. His master will be okay, she's always okay. Still, when she had heard her face had paled almost gray and her expression had turned to stone. Caleb had never seen anything like it, and he hopes he never will again. She had closed off from him entirely and it still feels so wrong, so cold when there should be flowing warmth. Master Mace said that she did it to protect him, and a part of him and wanted to protest, so say that he had lived through a war, he could handle anything. But then he remembered the look on her face. 

He would do anything if it meant that she would be alright and happy again, and if he had to stay in the dark about what she was really feeling to do so, then he would be the most ignorant padawan there was. 

No, that sounded wrong. He would be the most supportive-from-the-outside padawan. That was more like what he meant. 

Caleb and Mace are coming down the hall to where he and his master live now, and Grey's presence is close enough that Caleb can already see him in his mind's eye. He's worried too. And sad, very sad and angry. Master Mace had been angry too. Was he supposed to be angry? He wasn't, he didn't understand why he would be. It's unfair, yes, but his master says that sometimes things are just unfair, and that getting angry at it doesn't help. 

Anyway, it doesn't matter, because Caleb can see the door to their apartment and Grey is right behind it. He runs past his grandmaster, slams his hand into the scanner to unlock the door, and jumps to where he knows Grey will be. 

In the air he catches a glimpse of Grey's eyes, wide and startled before they flash in recognition then he slams chest first into hard muscle. 

Grey's arms squeeze him tight for a moment, making sure that he has his feet under him, before the man lets go and looks him over. 

"Hey there, Caleb." He says. His eyes are pink like he's been crying, but his voice isn't any rougher than his usual rasp. "How have you been?"

"I've been well." Caleb answers automatically, distracted because his master has just appeared from out of the fresher. He slips around Grey, knowing he will understand, and steps over to her. Her face isn't as ashen anymore, but her eyes are still dark and when he asks if she's okay with his eyes, (he doesn't use the bond, because Master Mace said that she needed space,) her lips tighten into a sad line. What she does do, though, is open one arm so he can press to her side for a moment. He does, and tries to radiate comfort in the force like she does when he comes to her after nightmares. He thinks it works, because she squeezes his shoulder and just slightly opens the bond enough that he can feel her again. 

Caleb smiles, he can't help it. After two days without the constant presence of his master, just this little strand of her force sense feels like coming home after a long campaign or mission. 

He stands there for a moment longer until she moves her arm back to her side then goes back to Grey so she and his grandmaster can talk. 

"How did you get here so fast?" He asks as soon as he's at Grey's shoulder. 

"I was already in my way." Grey answers without turning around. He's looking at something, and Caleb stands on his toes to see over his shoulder. But before he can get a good look Grey turns around, slipping his comm back into his pocket. "Snooping, Caleb?" 

The Padawan recognizes the tone as the one he used to use with the shinies, but the amusement in his eyes shows that he's not actually mad. 

"Did anyone come with you?" Caleb responds, avoiding the question because technically it was snooping but he's not going to admit it if he doesn't abseloutley have to.

Grey sobers. "No, I was by myself. But," He raises his voice so Caleb's Master and Grandmaster turn to listen. "The batallion knows. I just got a message from Styles, he and nine other brothers are going to be here tomorrow. They want to know when and where we can meet."

He's looking only at Master Billaba, meaning he's asking whether it's alright for them to be coming and if she wants to see them. Shes quiet for a moment, and Master Mace turns his head to look at her as well before she answers. 

"We'll meet them when they land." She says quietly, and Caleb feels a thrill of excitement and instantly feels bad. It feels wrong to be feeling so jubilant when his Master and Grey are so sad. 

Then again, Master always encourages him to look on the bright side of things, and while this trial is horrible, at least he gets to see his friends again. 


	7. Chapter 7

Caleb is excited, Grey can tell just by the way he walks down the hangar hallways, but his enthusiasm is muted out of worry and respect for his Master. He trots by her side, tilting his head to look at the side of her face as they approach the door. He must communicate something through the force, because from behind them Grey doesn't hear any words spoken but Depa lifts a hand to ruffle his hair in gratitude, then deliberately squares her shoulders and she and Caleb approach the range of the door's motion sensors. 

The door slides open, and even though Grey can't totally see from behind them he knows that every one of the men in there snaps into a salute. 

Depa takes three steps past the door then stops, Caleb right beside her as she takes in the ten men in the room. 

Styles, Big-Mouth, Soot, Remo, Kaylon, Strap, Cram, Wish, Jitters, and Mixx.

He had had a difficult time convincing Big-Mouth that the entire battalion storming back to Coruscant would not be acceptable. The men here are the ones who are closest to the General and Caleb. Most are Sergeants or Captains, with the exception of Cram and Jitters, who are regulars that made up the other two-thirds of what he and Depa privately called "Caleb's Chaos Crew." 

The aforementioned Caleb bounces on the balls of his feet, taking them in; Styles even breaks decorum to wink at him. Depa shakes her head softly, and Grey can't see her face from where he stands but he knows that there's a small, sad smile on her face and she sighs quietly and stretches out her hands, grasping the forearms of the Styles and Strap, the two brothers closest to her. 

"Men." She says, voice loud enough that they all can hear that she's holding back tears. "Thank you, for coming."

She never says "at ease," so Grey signals it from behind her so their hands return to their sides and Kaylon opens his mouth.

"Of course we're here, General. Once we heard what the Court had said we had to. We're going to prove to them the great general you were and the great Jedi you are, sir."

His mini speech is precisely spoken, and between that and the earnestness is his eyes Grey knows that he probably practiced it tens of times on the way. 

"Yeah!" At least three people echo. And Depa shakes her head again. 

"Thank you." She repeats, and Wish takes one careful look at her face before stepping in front of her, puts a hand on her shoulder, and hugs her. 

Everyone freezes for a moment, unsure how to react to that until Caleb makes a small noise in the back on his throat and throws his arms around them both, burying his face into his Master's shoulder. 

In a matter of seconds the nine other men pile on, and Grey steps forwards as well, slotting himself behind her between Styles and Jitters. They all just stand for a moment, the closeness of their bodies radiating warmth and support all towards the general. Styles turns his head, catching Grey's eyes, and nods once. Grey nods back in silent agreement. They're approaching this like they would any other conflict, with unwavering faith in each other. But unlike the battlefield, this time it's their turn to fight for their General.


	8. Chapter 8

The official start date of the trial arrives far too quickly for anybody's liking. Thankfully, the trial doesn't garner much attention from the media. There are about twenty cameras total when they pull up at the Judicial Building, only a few more when they get inside, but the courtroom is filled mostly with Jedi and clones. There are reporters, sentient and droids, but no civilians that Mace can see. Depa leads them in, head held high despite the heavy emotion that radiates off of her. Caleb is practically attached to her side, so he and Grey walk behind them. One of the temple's lawyers, Marcus Gabdishi is already waiting for them, and they pull the group aside. 

"Master Jedi." They nod politely. "And padawan, a reminder that as soon as the judge enters the room you are under oath to not use the force for any purpose, including communication, until the session is over." 

Mace nods back in confirmation, seeing the way that his grandpadawan's lips tighten with displeasure and willing the boy to stay quiet. Mace had gone over all of the rules of the court with him yesterday, and Caleb had been especially vehement against this one. 

Thankfully, Depa drops a hand on his shoulder to keep him quiet. "We understand, Marcus." 

Marcus nods, then retreats to let them speak before Depa must join them. 

"I still don't like that." Caleb mutters. Mace frowns at him, because the comment is unnecessary but Depa just squeezes the boy's shoulder. 

"It is one of the rules, padawan, so we must comply." 

"Yes, Master." He grumbles in return, leaning into her side and looking up at her face and Mace knows that they're communicating through their bond while they still can by the earnestness in Caleb's eyes, and the small, tight-lipped but sincere smile that Depa returns. He reaches into the force as well, not through the bond he has with Depa but alongside it, and sends her a wave of support. 

She reaches back in gratitude, letting go of her padawan so Mace can lead him to their seats, leaving Grey and her to talk with the few minutes they have before the trial begins. 

Caleb plops down into his seat with all the grace of a bantha, only straightening at the side-eye Mace shoots at him, adjusting his robes to appear put together as a young jedi should before leaning over. 

"If I just mouth things, I'm not talking or communicating through the force, right?"

Mace is tempted to roll his eyes, because the boy knows what is and isn't allowed. But Caleb's nervous, so he doesn't ignore the joke, leans down so his mouth is closer to his Granpadawan's ear and says very, very softly. "Don't."

Caleb doesn't quite laugh, but he smiles. So Mace considers it a success as the boy turns to tell the same thing to Grey when he slides in to sit next to him. The man's reaction is a snort, something mutter about "if you get kicked out I'm sending Kaylon with you." Which is apparently a heavy threat because his grandpadwan huffs. 

"You wouldn't."

"I would."

They both fall silent, watching Depa and her lawyer take their seats, and a moment later they rise for the judge, a harsh-looking Selkath that wastes no time once all parties are sworn in and she takes the stand. 

"The trial of the Grand Army of the Republic against the Depa Billaba is now in session. Prosecution, state your case." 

\-------------

Mace is not surprised that the leader of the group making a case against Depa is Gzono Fu, one of the most well known anti-Jedi lawyers on Coruscant. He is surprised, however, that he is the first one called to stand by the prosecution. He would have thought that it would be one of Depa's men that survived Haruun Kal, or perhaps Former Captain Rex, who had been a key witness to the chaos and demise of Krell. 

But it's him, so he stands, takes his oath to tell all he knows in absolute truth, and stands at the witness podium. 

Fu steps in front of him, green eyes narrowed and calculating. Mace glares back, because he knows that there is nothing Fu can say that can make him testify against Depa. The lawyer is looking for a fight, and no matter that the battle is verbal insead of physical, Mace will win.

The first question is fired at him.

"Jedi Master Mace Windu, how long have you known Master Billaba?"

"Approximately forty years."

"You were her Jedi Master, and she was your Jedi apprentice, correct?"

"That is correct."

"Do you currently have a friendly relationship?"

"Yes."

"Would you say that you are close to Master Billaba?"

"I would."

"It is possible that you may be biased in favor of her, considering your relationship?"

Mace resists the urge to grit his teeth. "It is possible."

"Have you ever seen Master Billaba exhibit a disdain for life or the lives of others?"

How dare he even imply that- Mace saw every single shatterpoint on the lawyer's body and fought the urge to hurt the Chagrian.

"I have never."

"Has she ever, in any way, appeared narcissistic or to care only for herself?"

It would be so easy with one swift blow of the force…

Hold it down. He had to hold it down.

"She has not."

"Has she ever acted in a way that you would consider rash or out of line?"

"When she was young, yes."

"Was the motivation for these actions born from fear or desperation?"

"Yes, but they all occurred when she was still a Padawan and are not a reflection of how she would act as an adult."

"Did these decisions that she made ever put any lives in danger?"

"As a Jedi, any choice one makes will put someone in danger."

"But has she ever taken any unnecessary risks because of high pressure circumstances?"

"She did when she was still training."

"Do you know of any lives lost because of decisions she has made?"

"If you are referring to the war, every decision a general makes on the battlefield will result in fatalities."

"Answer the question, Master Windu."

"The list of total fatalities of the 62nd is listed in official records."

Mace stared the lawyer down, daring him to try and make him say what he wanted. He could go for as long as Fu wanted. The man knew it too, because he backed down, although his eyes remained locked with Mace's. 

"Those are all of the questions I have for Master Windu."

The judge dismisses him, and as he returns to his seat Mace finally allows himself to cast a brief look at Depa. Her face is set, eyes solemn, and even he can barely read anything on her face or in her posture. It's… unnerving. Even without the force, he's always been able to see at least a vague impression of what she's feeling, and he could not get any sort of feel for her. 

But there was nothing that could be done, so he pushes the thoughts out of his brain as he sits, brushes his shoulder lightly against Caleb's to get the boy to stop scowling, he's going to give himself a headache. Mace himself already has a headache and it's only been two hours. The schedule is set for six more today, which will most likely be filled with only testimony. In front, Fu converses with his team, then raises a hand to the judge. 

"Your honor, the prosecution calls former Clone Captain "Rex" to the stand."

Yes, it's going to be a long day.


	9. Chapter 9

Caleb hates the trial. Jedi aren't supposed to hate, but he decided forty minutes into the first day that he's allowed to hate this one thing. The entire eight hours had been filled with Gzono Fu trying to make people say that his master was evil. He would draw lines where there were none to be had and make assumptions and slander his master's morality and reputation and Caleb just had to sit and listen to it all. By the time the session had ended for the day he had been near tears with pent up rage and frustration. His grandmaster had taken him by the shoulder and left before his master had even left her place on the stand. Master Mace had sat him down in the passenger seat of a speeder, driven for five minutes towards the temple, then just stopped in some random parking area and said "Speak."

Then Caleb had actually started crying, and yelling, and he would have torn the steering off of its mount with the force if his grandmaster hadn't stopped him and wrapped him in a firm hug until he ran out of angry words and could breathe again. 

They had gone back to the temple, he had sat next to his master in silence as she, him, and Grey picked at the meal Master Mace had made for them. She didn't eat, but nobody said anything. Eventually, his master spoke, saying that he didn't have to come to the next day of the trial. He had shook his head, he wanted to. Even if it made him mad he could handle it when his Master was handling so much more. She had looked at him for a moment, seeming to grow even more sad and for a horrible moment he thought that he had said something wrong, but she just put a hand on his leg and softly told him to go to bed. 

Caleb had without protest, forcing himself to lie still in the dark of his room and not listen to the quiet conversation that the adults were having only a door away. He did fall asleep at some point, and woke up to Grey tapping his arm. They ran laps together in the blue light of early morning before coming back to the apartment and getting ready.

\----------------

Immediately after the judge called the court into order, Gzono Fu had gone on another maddening tirade, but this time he only had a few minutes, then it was the Defendants turn to state thier case and call witnesses. 

Caleb himself isn't allowed to speak, since he hadn't know his master until after the battle of Haruun Kal, but he still tenses when Marcus taps intently on their datapad for a moment, then opens their mouth.

"I will begin by reviewing the events of the day of the Battle of Haruun Kal through the eyes of those who witnessed it. The first testimony I call is the one of Depa Billaba."

Fu leaps from his seat. "Objection!"

The judge responds just as fast. "Denied." 

Caleb feels a small satisfaction at that, even if is quickly forgotten in concern for his master.

It's weird that her face doesn't show any strong emotion, weirder still that he can't reach out to sense her. He doesn't like it. But, of course, as his grandmaster has told him at least twice, it doesn't matter whether he likes it or not, he must abide by the law.

Caleb Dume is many things, but a law-breaker is not one of them. So he sits quietly, trying to show as much encouragement as he can on his face in case his Master looks his way. 

She doesn't, just folds her hands on the desk and opens her mouth to speak. 

"The battle plan for Haruun Kal was a five pronged ground assault, there was no air assault planned in an attempt to keep the collateral damage at a minimum. The Seperatist presence in the space surrounding the planet had already been cleared. I led the squad that entered the city directly, Commander Grey the northern point, Captain Slap the east, Captain Styles the west, and Captain Charm the south. The operation began as planned, and there was no sign of abnormality until about an hour and a half in, when I received a call from Captain Slap that there were an unexpected amount of vulture droids that had taken them by surprise and had them struggling to keep moving. My squad was making good time, and I told him to keep pressing forwards and reassured him that we would be there to assist shortly." She stopped, her eyes so far away that Caleb bit his lip, hoping that she would stay grounded. 

"That was the last time I heard from Captain Slap." She continued, voice growing a bit harsher. "Twenty minutes later I received a transmission from the troops in orbit. A seperatist cruiser had attacked them and they were losing badly, they could not flee the system or evacuate. The final message I received from them was that there were enemy drop ships heading for the planet." 

Caleb's Master's voice is beginning to waver, and just hearing it makes him want to cry too. He looks to his right and sees that Grey's hands are shaking as he listens. Caleb reaches over and grabs his hand as hard as he can. Even if he can't be there for his Master right now, he can try and help Grey. 

"It was then that I contacted the squads, only Commander Grey and Captains Styles and Charm responded. I ordered all troops to rush to the planned meeting point, but the Separatist air attack arrived too fast. Charm's squad was still on the outskirts and was decimated almost immediately, The other squads were farther in the city, and more protected from the fire that rained down on the city for another forty minutes to an hour. I tried to contact the cruiser five separate occasions during that time but transmissions were jammed by the end the explosion of our crusier was visible in the sky." 

Her voice almost cracks, Grey's hand shakes even harder, and Caelb's throat burns. but she keeps talking in that same low, firm tone. 

"The air assault halted, and I commanded for a distress signal to be sent out. Transmissions were still blocked, so I assigned two of my men, Sergeant Soot and Corporal Big-Mouth, to lock themselves in a building with the long-range comm unit to keep trying to send the message though, and ordered them not to move until further notice.

"We kept on going until the three remaining squads met up, four hours since the battle for Pelek Baw had started and less than half of the battalion remained. Myself and Commander Grey knew that a ground assault would be coming and made a plan, but we did not know that Grievous was leading the attack, and planned our defense for a standard Seperatist tactical droid. It worked for the first wave, but in the second Grievous showed up and…"

She stops abruptly, and it is then that Caleb realizes that the courtroom is absolutely silent. Master Mace is tense in his chair and tears are tracking down Greys face. He doesn't look but Styles, Soot, and Big Mouth are probably crying too. 

His master isn't, somehow, but she draws in a deep breath that rattles at the beginning. "He had used that first wave to figure out our strategy, and by the second our forces were too low and he was too quick for us to regroup. He slaughtered our men, who could do nothing to defend themselves against him. I went to face him and ordered the rest of my men to run and hide until help came. They refused to leave me, even as they were cut down one after another. Only when there were less than twenty of them left did they begin to run. Grievous sent all of his droids in pursuit, leaving the two of us dueling. In the end I was too weak, partially by exhaustion but mostly by the mental toll of the deaths of so many. I remember that he managed to slice my arm, then my right thigh, then stabbed me once through the ribs. I don't remember anything else until I woke in the Jedi Temple six months later."

Silence. Even Gzono Fu has his head respectfully bowed. Grey pulls his hand out if Caleb's grip to wipe his face. Behind them, Big-Mouth clears his throat, and the sound makes everything seem real again and time resumes it's normal course. 

"Thank you, Master Billaba." Marcus Gabdishi says. "For the next testimony I call upon former commander Grey."

Grey stands immediately, steady as he always is. Caleb sees the look that passes between Grey and his master as he climbs the stairs to the stand. It's the same one that they used to give each other when they were in battle, having to make a sudden change of plans or deciding to pull a risky maneuver. Caleb knows the look. He also knows that whenever they do it, everything turns out alright, and he's not going to stop believing that now.


	10. Chapter 10

Compared to the drama of the first and second day, the third day of the trial is mundane. The lawyers are back and forth about statistics and character and what who meant when they said this or that. Grey listens to it the same way he would listen to Stock make the supply reports, only cataloguing things that actually matter and letting the rest in one ear and out the other. 

Thankfully, it only lasts about two hours, then the jury goes to deliberate. If Grey had thought the rest of the trial had been long, then waiting for this was a lifetime. He ends up taking Caleb, Cram, and Jitters and wandering the court building for a good three hours until they get the call back into session. 

He's not worried, mostly because neither Depa, Master Windu, or Caleb seem to be. True, they aren't allowed to actively use the force, but Depa had told him years ago that Jedi can feel the force without them even trying. Surely one of them would know if something would go wrong. 

At least he hopes so. 

Either way, he personally has a good feeling about this too, a feeling that tells him that it will all be over and done. It's enough for him to give a small grin at Styles as they slide back into the rows that have been their home for the past three days. 

The judge calls the court into session, (Wish swears that he could recite those words in his sleep now, and Grey is inclined to believe it). The jury files back into the room slowly, walking in the annoying, uneven, un-synchronous steps that civilians do. They file back into their seats and sir, then the woman who led them in stands back up and clears her throat.

"We, the jury, find Depa Billaba not guilty on all accounts."

Even though he had told himself that he wasn't worried, relief floods Grey's veins, and his shoulders slump as he reminds himself to breathe, the rush of adrenaline from the anticipation combined with the sharp release of tension taking his breath away.

"Yes!" Caleb shouts through clenched teeth, and there are soft whoops behind him from his brothers. Grey doesn't exactly hear the closing minutes of the trial, he's too focused on Depa, watching the way her eyes shine with relief and how her posture lightens as the weight of the accusations fall off of her shoulders. He itches to move, to run up to her and grab her and not let her go until they're far away from this courtroom and all the horrors they had to relive here. It's extremely hard not to, as the judge seems to go on four an eternity about something Grey doesn't care about until she finally taps the gavel and says the words he's been waiting for these past four days.

"Case dismissed."

Grey jumps up from his seat, searching around the room for the quickest way to get to Depa. Instead, Mace Windu catches his eye and raises a hand that clearly means calm down.

Steady, soldier. Grey orders himself, forcing his feet to move at a medium, steady pace down the aisle to where Depa and her lawyer are shaking hands. He can feel his eyes burning with emotion, and knows that Depa sees the intent on his face as she steps down to meet him. She doesn't shake her head, or signal for not now so he does leap up the last couple steps and gets his arms around her shoulders as fast as he can.

Depa's exhale is clear and steady as she lets him embrace her, wrapping his hands around her back and leaning on him just enough that the pressure is comforting. She pulls back after only a couple of seconds, but her hands stay on his back as she looks at him for a moment with those beautiful eyes that can read his soul and nods once, that small smile on her lips that somehow conveys so much. 

He lets go, and follows her down the steps to where Caleb, Windu, and the men are waiting. Caleb is the next to launch himself at her, but instead of hugging her like Grey expected Caleb bows, then looks up at her with a smile that could light up the entire building. 

"I'm glad it's over now, Master" He states, unashamedly honest. Depa chuckles and puts a hand on his shoulder. 

"Me too, Padawan." 

Grey steps around them to join his brothers as Mace Windu sweeps forwards, intending to go and clasp Styles's hand in celebration; but Styles is staring at something behind him, slack jawed. 

Grey turns to look, because there's nothing that could have happened in the few seconds his back was turned and understands why Styles is stunned. 

Master Windu is hugging Depa now, which doesn't seem so odd to Grey after spending the last week or so with their entire family (was it appropriate to call a Jedi lineage a family?) But he can see how it would be for those who only know Mace Windu by reputation. 

Grey turns back to Styles and claps a hand on his shoulder. "I agree with Caleb. I'm glad this whole thing is over and done." 

"I'm pretty sure we can all agree with that, Commander." Jitters says, sarcastic even as his smile makes his cheeks dimple. 

"No one asked you." Styles responds in kind, but there's no heat in it and they both forget the argument in the next moment since Caleb has bounced up to join them and is talking excitedly about celebration. 

"Hold on, kids" He says, emphasizing the plural so Caleb would know he wasn't being specifically targeted. "Let's get out of the building first."

Getting out of the building, Grey finds, is easier said than done. But eventually they get to the plaza outside of the courthouse and discussing what shall be done in celebration. 

"Screw it." Styles says passionately after at least twenty different types of cuisine are mentioned. "Let's just go to a bar." 

His proposal is met by eight cheers and one "Really, Styles? Day drinking?"

"Kaylon." Cram says empathetically. "We just sat in there for three days, listening to some…" He glances at the Jedi Master's and barely holds back whatever crass insult he was going to say. "Lawyer trash talk our general. And we did it without attacking anyone. We deserve to drink."

Kaylon snorts, but he doesn't disagree. Grey doesn't either. He glances at Depa, who's watching them with that small smile on her face that means she's greatly amused but trying to hide it, as to not encourage the madness. 

"Can I come?" Caleb appears in the middle of the group out of nowhere. 

"No." At least ten voices chorus. 

Caleb pours, then glares at a snickering Mixx. 

"We're going back to the temple." Depa says, gesturing Caleb back to her side. The boy huffs but obeys, standing on his toes to whisper something to Master Windu. Grey stops for a moment, torn between going with his brothers or his general. He wants… It doesn't matter what he wants, it's what Depa wants. 

Depa is looking at him, her eyes sparkling like they did the day they won the war. 

"Go with your brothers, Grey." She says, and even though there's a fair bit of distance between them it seems like she's speaking directly into his ear. "I'll see you later."

_Soft lips against his cheek, warm hands in his, a ghosting of breath on his face. "I'll see you later."_

It's not about what he wants…

He smiles at her, gives a half-formal salute which she nods off with open amusement, and turns to the argument about where the best place for drinks is. 

"Lighten up, boys." He says, projecting his voice so they all shut up at once. "I would say the night is young, but as it is the day is middle-aged. We have plenty of time." 

Strap shoves Wish, Grey's words probably pricing the point that he was trying to make and Grey smirks, knowing that what he says next will just add to the chaos. 

"That being said, I know a place…"


End file.
